


Knight School

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-29
Updated: 2009-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:05:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guy and the Nightwatchman get into a fight, but things aren't quite what they seem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knight School

**Author's Note:**

> I was very mean to Kate in this one. Sorry.

It was a cool, Spring night in Locksley and the full moon was shining brightly. A cacophony of crickets and frogs chirped and croaked loudly in the darkness. Occasionally, the sleeping peasants of the village were awakened from their slumber by loud, annoying rants of animalistic grunts and gibberish, but they quickly went back to sleep once they realized it was just Kate. Everybody ignored Kate.

The only other sounds that could be heard came from the barn in the form of crashes, bangs and loud grunts, but the peasants ignored these as well. "It's Robin Hood! He's come to rob Sir Stabs-a-Lot!" They'd whisper to each other happily as they turned over in their beds, hoping and praying that when they awoke the next morning, their waking nightmare would be over and their irate and homicidal master would be forced penniless into the street. Or maybe hanged. Yes, hanged would be better.

However, it was not Robin who was in the barn that night. It was the Nightwatchman. He stood firmly, his fists clenched tightly and ready to pounce. Across from him stood Sir Guy of Gisborne, looking a bit worse for wear. He had several large bruises on his cheek, and another circling his left eye. His bottom lip was a bit swollen and caked with blood. Despite the injuries, he stood there, staring the Nightwatchman down evilly.

"I will defeat you." He growled coldly, taking a fighting stance.

The Nightwatchman moved on him swiftly, throwing punch after punch at Guy; however, he quickly blocked them. He punched at the Nightwatchman wildly, but missed each time. The Nightwatchman swung at Guy again, but this time Guy caught his arm and flipped him over onto a pile of hay. Standing over the Nightwatchman, Guy cracked a lopsided smile. "Gotcha." He said.

Without warning, the Nightwatchman raised his leg and plowed Guy directly in the groin.

"AAAAGGGHHH!" Guy screamed in pain as he fell to the ground. He quickly cupped his hands over his man parts and rolled over onto his stomach. "Oh God..." He muttered as tears began to well up in his eyes.

The Nightwatchman quickly crawled over and rolled Guy back onto his back to check his injury. Guy, however, quickly grinned, grabbed the Nightwatchman and threw him onto a pile of hay next to him. Pulling off the lower half of the Nightwatchman's mask, Guy quickly straddled him and forced his arms down beside him. Leaning over, Guy planted a passionate kiss on the Nightwatchman's lips.

"I win." He said, smirking as he sat up, releasing the Nightwatchman's arms.

Marian pulled off the rest of the Nightwatchman mask, and smiled coyly at her husband. "One round." She told him, giggling. "You won one round out of how many...fifteen?"  
"Fourteen." He corrected.  
"Fourteen to one, then." She said.  
"That's still better than I did in last night's lessons." He told her.  
"True. You are learning quite fast. That was an excellent bluff." She replied.  
"It wasn't a bluff. That really hurt."  
"I'm so sorry, my love." Marian told him, frowning. "I suppose that means no...you know what... until your injury heals."  
"I'm sure I can manage." He smirked at her. "Besides, we haven't consummated our marriage in the barn, yet."  
"I thought we did." She replied.  
"Yes, but not in _our_ barn." Guy told her, grinning.  
"Oh, right." She snickered.

Guy bent over and began kissing her on the neck lustfully. Marian giggled happily as she wrapped her arms around his warm, leather-clad body.

Suddenly, the barn door flew open, flooding the inside of the barn with bright moonlight. Standing in the doorway (much like a Neanderthal) was a young woman with strangely braided blond hair.

"NNARG! EEEEE! PLBBT...plbbt...plbbbbbbbt!" Kate exclaimed loudly, pointing her finger sternly at the couple.  
"Oh, great. Who let the village idiot out of her cage?" Guy groaned.  
"Any idea of what she wants?" Marian whispered to her husband.  
"No. I lost the ability to speak Imbecile after Hood hit me in the head that time." Guy said, vaguely recalling that time in the forest when he and Hood thought it might be a good idea to fight to the death.

"Ooh! Oooh! EEEE! Eeee!" Kate said as she began to scratch at herself. She picked a flea out of her wonky braid and quickly ate it. Guy and Marian winced.

"Can I just kill her?" Guy asked Marian. "Please?"  
"No!" Marian exclaimed.  
"Pretty please? For my birthday?" He pleaded.  
"Your birthday isn't for another few months, Guy. And besides, we agreed: no more maiming peasants!"  
"But, I wasn't going to torture her or anything. I'll do it quickly. She won't even feel a thing!"  
"Absolutely not. It would upset the peasants."  
"No, it wouldn't!" Guy whined. "They would probably like me a lot better if I killed her. I might actually be able to get through a day without them spitting in my eggs or pissing in my tea."

Guy frowned at Marian, playfully sticking out his bottom lip and flashing his gray-blue eyes at her. Marian laughed. 

"I have a better idea." Marian told him, grinning devilishly from ear to ear. She called over to the young woman, who was now furiously digging at her arse. "Kate? Sweetie? Can you come here a second?"

Kate hobbled over to Marian, her hand still firmly planted in her arse. Marian smiled up at her, sweetly. "How would you like to go live in the forest with Robin Hood, Kate?"

Kate beamed, letting a thin trail of drool escape from the corner of her mouth. She furiously shook her head yes. Guy cackled loudly, thinking of the pure hell the champion of the people would have to endure the moment Kate moved into the forest.

"And I thought I was evil!" He laughed.  
"Believe me, you have a lot to learn, my love." Said Marian.


End file.
